I wish I could teleport
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize