She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
