She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
