She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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