I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
