So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
