Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize