I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
