What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
