when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
