why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
