ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize