Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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