Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
