Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
