Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
