Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
