between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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