I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize