Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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