My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
