Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
