Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
