sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
