you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
