please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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