My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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