we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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