Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
