Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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