Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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