Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
