Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
