She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
