one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
