Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
