She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
