Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
