Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
