At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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