Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize