my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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