He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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