i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
