As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
