Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
