Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
