my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
