its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
