we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
