gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
