i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Damn victory sex feels great
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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