East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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