Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
