I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
