I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
