Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
