butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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