what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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