it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
