umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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