I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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