My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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